Barnyard Backtalk


| May/June 1993



17837 Lindenwood Rd. Lindenwood, Illinois 61049

One blustery autumn Saturday the barnyard animals were arguing about who was the strongest. They decided that they'd have a pulling contest to find out who was the best. There was a gang plow behind the shed they could use. They drew straws to see who went first. The Dog got the longest straw and won the honor. He hitched himself up and started out to the field. Once the shares were in the ground he had to take three and four little false starts before he got going on his first half-round. On the second half he had to work oh-so-much harder to get up the hill. The pull wasn't going so well. The Dog's temper got the best of him and he started frothing at the mouth. He realized too late that his weakness for 'soft-water' drinks in his compound-filled stomach was his undoing that morning.

The Bull was snorting around announcing how he would out pull them all. Out he goes to the field and starts down the far furrow. Now the Bull is in such a hurry he started pawing the earth so fast he lost his footing. First thing you knew his hind feet slipped out from under him and on his belly he sat, stuck in the sandy hill. Now the Bull was proud and he wasn't about to holler for help, but really there wasn't any need. The Banner-Boy saw the Bull go down and made a triumphant charge to the Bull's rescue. The Banner-Boy unhooked the plow and pulled it off the side so he could pull the Bull out by the tail.

The Tiger watched all this with calm determination. When the plow was brought back to the beginning of the field he hooked his tail to the clevece and smoothly dug in with both hind legs. He was growling a little as he moved across the field. You see, the poor Tiger has a light sinus condition due to the numerous nose jobs he's had in the past couple of years. As he made it up the final hill he started purring along when someone remembered to scratch behind his ears.

The Eagle had been circling overhead for the bird's-eye-view of the contest. He must have sensed his competition was stiff because when he landed he complained his asthma was acting up and he decided to sit this contest out.

The Sheepherder just pocketed his money and decided he'd help thresh grain. He was just a little guy. His big brothers were sleeping in the shed and he couldn't wake them. There was no way he was going to try to save the family honor against those bigger barnyard animals.