A Nutty Power Plant

By Manly Orr
Published on May 1, 1971
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The chimney made a DRAFT on the furnace through the BANK of
grates, and when the coal ACCEPTED THE DRAFT the fire went FLUEY
and the boiler GOT HOT. The steam gage PUT UP ITS HAND, but the
gage-glass said, ‘EVERYTHING SEEMS CLEAR TO ME,’ while the
water claimed to be the only one acting ON THE LEVEL. ‘TRY
US’ said the three gage cocks just as the blow off OPENED UP ON
THE QUESTION and then the safety valve called, ‘Everybody
listen to me; I’m going to BLOW MYSELF.’ The rivets all
shouted ‘HOLD ON NOW, HOLD ON,’ but the engine COMMENCED TO
RUN and the flywheel STARTED A REVOLUTION.

‘Don’t come WITHIN A ROD OF ME, you old CROSSHEAD,
called the piston. ‘Well you QUIT YOUR PUSHING,’ chimed in
the cylinder; ‘can’t you see I’M BORED?’ ‘I
hate being rushed about FROM PORT TO PORT by that ECCENTRIC
guy,’ complained the valve. ‘Somebody ROUND HERE has got
altogether too much BRASS,’ complained the crankpin. ‘FOR
TWO PINS I’D KNOCK YOU SPINNING,’ replied the
connecting-rod. At that the governor, which had ‘WEIGHTED’
for an opportunity, MADE A LONG SPRING and managed to CUT-OFF the
worst of the difficulty, but not before the engine was PRETTY WELL
EXHAUSTED and the generator had become so EXCITED that it got all
the rotors and lamps ON THE WIRE and gave them the CURRENT EVENTS.
The lamps offered some RESISTANCE but MADE LIGHT of it, but the
motors were easily INDUCED to TURN in with the REVOLUTION, which
spread rapidly FROM POLE TO POLE.

Every SINGLE PHASE of this SHOCKING affair was PASSED ON by the
BOARD OF SWITCHES, who decided that every member of the entire
plant was more or less NUTS.

A letter sent us awhile back from FRED GERTJE, Orofino, Idaho
83544, goes like this:

‘On page 10 of the March-April, Iron Men-Album
there appears an article entitled ‘Subject Genealogy.’ For
some little time I have been wanting to write such an item, in hope
that you might see fit to use it.

‘In 1970 my Grandfather and Grandmother Gertje and my father
and Uncle John came to America from Oldenberg province in Germany.
They spent one winter in New York City, where Grandfather operated
a water driven elevator, and the following summer they moved to
Minnesota; I think at Mankato or Faribault, later moving to one of
the Dakotas, wherever Millbank is located. When Grandfather came
through Ellis Island port of immigration, his surname was much
longer, and was changed by the immigration authorities. Grand Uncle
Christian, Grandfather’s brother, had come to America some time
previous, and apparently was living in Minnesota, but used his
surname as it was in Germany. In 1883 my father came to Uniontown,
Wash., having worked his way across Montana. A year or so later my
Grandfather came to Kendrick, Idaho, and located in the
Leland-Cameron area south of Kendrick. My grandparents brought six
sons and two daughters West, and lost some in a diphtheria epidemic
in Dakota. I know our clan is small, and I would greatly appreciate
it if any Stemgas fan might know the name and address of any person
who uses a surname spelled the same as mine. My Grandfather was a
steam thresherman, and I have a picture of his outfit threshing at
Leland.’

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